


The Life Desired, In Payment

by Moonlitdark



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Denial of Feelings, Divorce, M/M, Moving Out, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:47:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28506948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlitdark/pseuds/Moonlitdark
Summary: Just because Draco wanted this didn’t make it real.  The time he had invested trying tomakeit real didn’t mean the effort had been worthwhile.  Draco knew that his touches had instilled pleasure, but nothing more.  He had failed to make the intimacies meaningful to the man who shared them.Draco is packing to leave. Will Harry stop him?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Kudos: 28





	The Life Desired, In Payment

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted a long time ago on Livejournal. So if it seems familiar, you've probably read it before, but this version has a few edits.

Draco moved with calming, careful precision. Fitting each item into the velvet lined trunk, he provided each item with the consideration it deserved. Creating perfect structure and order as a contrast to his turbulent thoughts.

A question pierced Draco’s meticulous composure. “You're really leaving then?”

“I told you that I was. It’s time.”

“I know. I just… wasn’t sure if you would.”

Harry stood propped against the oak dresser, radiating a sense of uneasiness or perhaps just impatient anxiety to be rid of an inconvenience. Safe at the other side of an expanse of mattress adorned with painstakingly selected linen, Draco dropped his concentration back to his chore. 

“Why don’t you just use magic? It’ll be quicker.”

“I prefer to take proper care of the things which are precious to me.” 

Laying the next item in place, Draco absently admired the fine, hand-woven silk. It would certainly not occur to Harry to obtain something so beautiful; he wouldn’t deem it significant. But Draco didn’t believe it to be significant either anymore, hadn't for a long time. Draco needed to remember what was crucial now: his new life. He had worked so hard for it. Draco had fulfilled his promise and the reward was frighteningly imminent.

Clichéd pawns in the Ministry’s plans, he and Potter had been useful only to build alliances, mend bridges and display a warped sense of unity. But somewhere during the past year, Draco had ceased protesting. And pretending. Blinking down at his suddenly blurry task, Draco listened for a word to overturn this decision. Yearned for it. Hope hung in the air, stifling, but only to him. The Ministry’s work was secure and therefore this union could be safely dissolved. 

But Draco had to ask. “Is there a reason why I shouldn’t go?”

“I suppose not.”

A well-practiced show of nonchalance masked Draco’s despair. His meticulous control would not disintegrate, not over Potter. 

“Then why are you complaining? Think of the peace you’ll have without me around. You can do whatever you like, finally.”

“Yeah, it’ll be peaceful. Quiet.”

“Good. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

Draco continued, moving onto the next article of clothing only when he was satisfied with the last. He plucked a soft cotton robe from the bedcovers, ideal for warm, carefree summer days. 

A sigh tinged with mandatory regret fluttered over to him. “I’m sure I will.”

Despite Draco’s diligence, the pile was reducing rapidly. He rested a moment, taking stock. 

“You didn’t want to do this anymore than I did, Harry.”

“No, but it helped.”

“But not much. I’ve organised the necessary papers. I’ll owl them to you tomorrow.”

“Thanks.”

“No gratitude is necessary.” His respite over, Draco lifted a tie, found an appropriate nook. 

“That’s a debatable point of view.”

“Don’t waste time pondering on it.” Examining different points of view didn’t lessen the pain of another. Just because Draco wanted this didn’t make it real. The time he had invested trying to _make_ it real didn’t mean the effort had been worthwhile. Draco knew that his touches had instilled pleasure, but nothing more. He had failed to make the intimacies meaningful to the man who shared them. Draco was harbouring a sentiment that was simply a casualty of war, the by-product of an essential strategy well executed. The knowledge didn’t make it any easier. “This has run its course.”

“That’s right, you’ve paid your debt. Now you’ll get it all back. The precious Malfoy name restored. It’s all yours now, everything you ever wanted.” 

Draco didn’t see justification for the bitterness he heard. He was not alone in his new beginnings. Harry would also receive the life he desired, in payment.

“Yes, everything I want.”

“I’m glad.”

Draco shouldn’t have risked a glance, shouldn’t have seen that indulgent smile. It took enormous effort to return it and not admit how willingly he’d abandon that original dream for an alternative. But it was senseless to wish for the unfeasible.

As Draco smoothed the empty space on the bed, his task complete, he watched Harry swivel and lift a circle of gold from the oak. The ring was extended towards Draco by a steady hand. “You forgot this.”

“I don’t need it.” The symbol of the lie could remain here, with Draco’s weakness.

“But it’s yours.”

“It’s not worth anything.”

A shrug was Harry’s response, but the gold was folded into a palm, held tight. “I guess it isn’t.”

Draco scanned the room, searched, couldn’t see further cause to postpone.

“I think I’m done here,” he announced, sweeping the lid down, clicking the latch shut. A touch of his wand shrank all material trace of his existence, save the one in Harry’s hand.

“Yes, you are.”

Painfully maintaining a dignified spine, Draco picked up what was his and paced from the past, towards what he had valued above all. The freedom of the door was close before Harry spoke again. 

“Were you unhappy?”

Draco was reluctant to hesitate, tempt fate. Not when he’d achieved so much. 

“No, it was satisfactory.”

“Almost fun, sometimes.”

Against his better judgment, Draco turned back for a last look, remembering how it had felt simply to be held in safety. In warmth, even if it was a parody of affection. He had no doubt that he would be embraced again, but not by Harry. 

“But on the whole, not,” Draco replied.

“There were… moments.” 

“Only moments?”

“Occasions. But I don’t think they were enough for you.”

Draco gripped the nearby handle and tugged inwards, opening the door to a world of unwelcome opportunity. He stepped out into his independence, regretting it more than the imprisonment.

“Moments don’t last a lifetime, Potter.”

“I know.”

An instant before the door swung shut, Draco thought he’d seen an inched movement towards him, yearning reflected, but knew that it wasn’t real either. 

Delusions never were.


End file.
